I could feel them at about ten weeks, everyone would say that’s crazy, maybe. Wanted those kids like there was no tomorrow.
Today they are thirty, Baby A and Baby B. Was convinced I was having two boys and brought all blue to the hospital that day my water broke. Whisked directly into the OR Maxwell came without really a pause, and then I thought I could have a rest. Everything I read had told me you could take a breath between delivering twins, not this time, doctor said ‘she’s in trouble’ and I knew at that moment she was a girl and I had to get her out, there was nothing else that mattered in the world.
He was a 10, she a 4. He kind of looked around and took it all in, at ease in the world. She was transverse, needed forceps, massage, and oxygen. A little strong fighter, she took all the help and settled herself. They’re kind of still the same, he’s relaxed, and chill, and she’s steadfastly checking all the boxes.
We had planned on all being in Boston to celebrate this third decade, and now like most everyone we’re spread out everywhere, wishing for birthday peace and good health.
He’s quarantined with eight of those that love him, she’s thirty-six weeks with child and at home with her husband.
keep moving on
Bill and I will raise a glass to them this evening, happy trinity birthday dear Maxwell and Caroline, and to all those that help protect and facilitate life, from the depths of our hearts, thank you.
All photos by Maxwell Collins, Eygalieres France, May 2019
we will miss celebrating our twin’s 30th birthday. had plans to all be in Boston, instead overnighted cupcakes and cakes, each to different addresses, sheltering in place
I’ve got pages and pages of content I’ve been writing, none of it makes sense, feels relevant or significant. One day turns into the next, I miss my kids, so I simply decided to bake a cake.
IPhone photo, ridiculously I can’t find by camera battery charger.
When I started this blog years ago I had these basic ideas I framed it around; make your bed, eat protein at breakfast, walk your dog(s), get out of your workout/yoga pants, put on some makeup, make some dinner, enjoy a glass of wine, love those around you. I also wanted to share some style ideas as at the time I was fully employed by a national luxury fashion company.
January of 2019, I changed luxury fashion companies and began work as an independent contractor, managing my time and my business as I see fit. My previous company is now shuttering its’ doors, and their shake-down started months ago before this current pandemic. I loved that place; I practically grew up there and it literally clothed my body for eighteen good years. Things change, and I adapted. At the time of the announcement most were shocked, for some reason I was not. If Barney’s could fall, I knew no one was immune. I felt sad and a sense of loss for everyone, the founders, the staff, the stylists, the clients, it was the end of an era.
Now things are unraveling faster than I ever really imagined. My sister collected keys and computers from her people that are like family to her and my girls don’t know when they might go to back to school. Grocery shelves are empty, I worry about the doctors and nurses in my life and their families and my daughter has nightmares as she’s about to welcome her first child into this world in less than six weeks.
To work through all this, I’ve turned to what I know best: I consistently and without fail make the bed, I prepare a nutritious breakfast for myself and my husband, he eats his way later than I do as I’m up early and sweating it out in a newly formed group Peloton workout, and I get him out of the house each day for fresh air. I’ve been hitting the spring garden clean-up hard and we take long, long walks. When I’m out in the yard and in the dirt time and thought slows down and my body can become completely fatigued making it a little easier to sleep at night. He sometimes doesn’t want to leave the house as here in Buffalo the sky can be gray and the temperature cool and I force him anyway, he thought that this month he would be down south where five of our kids are stuck sheltering-in-place.
Most days, I put on real clothes and make-up, but I’m not going to lie, there was one recently where I just didn’t do it and I’m telling you it affected my spirit, and my mood. I one hundred percent feel better and show up better for others when I take the time to put myself together. My girls are crying, the ones in college that have been told not to return to campus. They feel like there is nothing good to look forward to. I just got off the phone with both of them and told them to plan a little ‘in party’, a dinner for themselves where they dress up, make a nice meal, put on some music and light a few candles. We can really only go day to day, I don’t think anyone really knows what’s coming next. By putting our best selves together each day I think we collectively can lift each other up.
quinoa cooked with scratch vegetable stock
scratch stock is easy once you actuallydo it
As for making dinner? Absolutely, this is where we can make a difference. I’ve always felt this. Of course, I’m using up the perishables first and trying to include vegetables every chance I get. We’ve had pasta two nights in a row and for my husband that is a carb phobic it’s been really okay. Maybe the world is speaking to me more than quietly and reinforcing my thoughts that animal products cannot be the center of our plates all of the time. I’ve been having those thoughts for a while now; I should take this time to move my needle in that direction. When in the kitchen I get that feeling like in the garden, a bit of stillness, a feeling that what I’m doing, no matter how little, tending the earth, or feeding people in my life that for now, right at this time, that all is okay.
adding as many vegetables as possible
tall for him, short for me
Yes, Bill and I have been pouring the wine, some nights more than others. I’m making a conscious decision to be careful here, I’m one for extremes and self-medication with obsessions and this could be a slippery slope. I love wine, and sometimes it doesn’t love me back. Proceeding with caution even though I’m looking for a glass or three every evening, and most days even at lunch, yikes.
pruningthings I haven’t pruned in years
picked up early pansies last weekend
As for loving those around me, now more than ever. It’s a hard time for everyone and I have no way of knowing where anyone is on the curve. Maybe this post might annoy you, maybe you find me or my lifestyle annoying, maybe you found some of it helpful. Wherever you are I wish you and your loved one’s strength and wellness, and please know this message comes from me with kindness and compassion. Every day dress, digging in, in the garden and the kitchen.
