some needed self-care

Given the choice between a week down in Florida for a little rest and relaxation with family or a week alone at home working my new line, chose the work.

Not really sure if it was the home alone or the work that was calling me, simply knew I needed some down time, and self-care.

Twenty-six year old daughter wrote a college paper about the benefits of living alone, and her belief that all humans should experience living alone at least once in their lifetime. I’ve never had that, went from living with my mom to living with my man.

When our oldest son was applying to college, I traveled alone with him to Wake Forest for accepted students day. He stayed in a dorm, I was in a hotel. I remember barely leaving that room, I craved sleep, and solitude. Couldn’t even gather myself to go for dinner, bought Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups from the vending machine, ate them in bed with wrappers strewn, and called it a night.

This next memory is bazaar: when he was a baby and we had twins 18 months behind him and I was very pregnant with my now twenty-six year old I was in the kitchen trying to feed them all and had this urge and desire to go to the hospital so I could give birth, have a room of my own, and be served 3 meals a day on a tray.

This beautiful twenty-six year old woman has struggled, suffered deeply, has been vulnerable, emotional. During the month of November, she was in the ER twice by ambulance in one horrific day, and when safely home I was serving her 3 meals a day on a tray. Mental health issues, so complex, and scary threatening. Husband and I assembled a recovery team, and she recently posted to her Instagram thanking her tribe for helping her to get back on her feet again, with the caption mental health matters. 

Mental health matters. Three words, and you can go from black to white in a heartbeat, while longing for grey, that in between time when it might not be good but certainly not bad.

home alone, and bitter cold out there

This struggle wasn’t new, or shocking, simply this time heart-wrenching. Sarah in college had husband checked into a Boston hotel room for weeks at a time, working remotely, to get her out of a locked bathroom door and into a classroom. Her older soul sister was married this August and she stood by her throughout and stood strong; three days after she basically flat-lined. Oh, we look good, we dress well, we photograph well, and we work. We work at it all. Getting out of bed, making the bed, getting dressed for the day, you name it, sometimes not easy, and some days it might just not even happen.

November had us on tag-team, no alone time for Booie, none whatsoever. December brought in family, and tons of dynamics. I could just feel her trying to opt-out. We held it together, just barely. Early January sent them all home, and she finally, slowly, painstakingly, stabilized.

Mid-January husband likes to go south, as she’s not working, or driving, she went with. I chose not, wanted some down time, some quiet, a little self-care. They had father daughter time, without me there she cooked, regained some confidence. I cooked too, alone; stock, and soup.

slept 6 hours 52 minutes and clocked 17,278 steps, thank you Motive

this was today, 6:30 am at the gym, wearing the Motive ring

In those eight days I met a friend out once and learned a new line by trying on 188 pieces of clothing in all different sizes on a Saturday afternoon. Manicure, pedicure, haircut, and facial, no one to answer to, no place to be. Cleaned out the laundry room, the cleaning closet, polished silver. Changed the beds, and washed and ironed the sheets. Clocked 17,000 plus steps in one day without ever leaving home. Sometimes drank wine alone with my lunch, sometimes went to bed by 8 pm.

Mom always told me that to care for others we need to care for ourselves. My daughter, my life. Any of my kids, my life, my breath.

I write here, I think, for women. As women we love, we give, and at times, run on empty. My sister in northern CA knew I was home alone, and she said, ‘you’re not even blogging’. No, no blogging, we were running on low, and needed some self-care.

Booie, love you forever. You are beautiful, and one in a zillion. Love your honesty, love your struggle, and love your soul. You teach me what’s precious: you, and your life, and of those around you. Keep the faith, please. xoxo

the long run

Never a huge jewelry person, I wear a few special pieces round the clock and only on occasion change it up. Dear husband has gifted practically the entire lot to mark time and special occasions. Only once did I buy precious earrings, and that was when I thought I lost one of the diamond studs I wore daily for twenty plus years. Didn’t have the heart to confess the missing stone, so bought a small pair of hoops to fill the holes for several months, and then found the missing earring under a chair in the bedroom while vacuuming. Passed that small pair of diamond hoops onto fourth daughter when she started her first semester of college this past fall.

While raising a half dozen babies changing earrings for the day never really crossed my mind, and who really had the time or the energy. Factor in taking something small off of value and the risk of losing or misplacing it simply hugely escalated, it was a very busy time.

Engagement ring, wedding band, watch, simple earrings, and a stunning diamond ring husband gifted me when he turned fifty are my tattoos of choice – they are the daily forever look. While in NYC for thirtieth wedding anniversary, that’s a big one, purposely walked arm in arm into Cartier on Fifth Avenue to peruse the goods. We were celebrating love, so the Love Bracelet was my desire. Dear husband likes to fulfill desire, so a white gold Love Bracelet with four small diamonds marked our three decades of marriage.

In turn, we gifted our oldest daughter the yellow gold version for Christmas last year. She was newly engaged, and we wanted to commemorate this special time in her life with something lasting, and that she could wear on her wedding day. I knew the classic look would complement any dress she chose, and we wanted to bless her pledge to love and marriage, and inspire her in going for the long run.

This piece of jewelry, designed in 1969, has a locking mechanism and requires the small included screwdriver to wear and remove the bracelet. The playful permanence of wearing this speaks to my heart, and of our commitment to love and family.

The long run is not easy, like our tenets of every day dress; making the bed, protein at breakfast, putting on good clothes and maybe some makeup, walking or exercise or anything that moves your body, work that feels meaningful, making some dinner, and most importantly spending time with those you love, it requires consistent effort and attention. In our world it’s this daily effort and attention that yields the far biggest reward, a rich life of family togetherness.

Like that bracelet, our family feels secure, sure there is struggle and tears and vulnerability and change, yet the circle continues with goodness, and joy.

And now, I digress: personally, I am fully and deeply committed to husband and family and passionate about feeding those I love. Professionally, and also personally as there is for sure crossover, I help dress many beautiful women. For eighteen years, since the birth of our youngest daughter, I’ve been aligned with Worth New York, and it’s been a good, long run. Not married to the company, and after much thought and reflection, I’ve chosen in this new year to venture out try something new; a new challenge, a new line, a new look, a new company.

Yesterday, my colleague and I met in our studio and outlined our launch. These first strides are unsteady, and a little uncertain. Carlisle, thank you for the opportunity. We’re digging in, and giving it a solid good go. Let’s see how we do.

Every day dress, the long run.

all photos: Sarah Bridgeman

trimmed and tied, always ongoing

black sweater, blue denim, suede flat, lots of green

Still getting settled after Thanksgiving week and now entering holiday mode, oh, boy. We’ve done this before, yet there’s always those moments of uncertainty when you think you just can’t get there. One year when staging and decorating for husband’s office Christmas party with major event designer sister from CA, she said, ‘you can never be done’, and I still think of that. Any party or event or dinner or holiday or even wedding planning could just keep going and going. Now I tell myself to give it a really good strong effort and then at some point just let it be enough.

We’ve got trees, some decorated, some not. Some with skirts, and some without. Twenty year old daughter hung some of the ornaments while home from break and I wasn’t even in the room with her. We chatted, room to room, her hanging, me cooking, and I just let her be. Years past or even recent years I might have micro-managed, this tree decorating I can totally let go.

Card writing is giving me anxiety, and we’ve even got a great photo or two this year. The actual card is on order, and that’s two steps ahead of where we usually are in this production process. We’ve looked at stamps, no decision yet. Details details.

easiest dinner ever is to have your butcher trim and tie a whole tenderloin, pop it in a super hot oven for 22 minutes or so, let rest, and carve

We had a full house, and I cooked and baked my head off. Tenderloin, ham, turkey. Potatoes, beans, pasta. Cinnamon rolls, pies, cakes. Bacon bacon and bacon. Wine wine and more wine. Can you tell where this is going?

probably spent 16+ hours or so in an apron

new French food processor, needs to go back, Pulse button not working!

This most wonderful time of the year is by any stretch not easy. Trimmed and tied, perhaps, yet always ongoing….

big chunk of blue and chopped tarragon

birthday wedge and bolognese for fourteen, kind of standard. this was after Thanksgiving and there wasn’t a clean white linen left in the house, so, mismatched it was

bought two $40 bouquets at grocery and had oldest daughter cut them down into 11 small arrangements in canning jars, a look she totally dismissed for wedding vibe, hahaha (and agree) 

Merry merry, hustle hustle.

always happy and forever in blue jeans baby

Every day dress, xoxo.

 

set stylist

While my first inclination was to name this post ‘home stylist’, couldn’t get myself to do it while I’m being extravagant in wake of the California wildfires. We’ve been dealing with  house-wide flooding issues and some serious health stuff, yet nothing comes close to neighborhoods being leveled, lives being lost, children wearing face masks, and our hearts are with those in one of our favorite states.

You know we’re about good clothes and great food, and creating a lifestyle that speaks to luxury, whatever that may mean to each of us. One of our current favorite aspirational brands is Gucci, and their recent statement to me by email reads:

In solidarity with Gucci employees, clients, and friends in California, we are supporting the relief efforts in the local communities that have been affected by the devastating California wildfires.

Gucci has donated to the following organizations, and you can join us by making your pledge to the charity of your choice.

American Red Cross

Los Angeles Fire Department Foundation

The Humane Society of the United States

Malibu Foundation

United Way of Northern California

Gucci Equilibrium

This is the heart of Gucci’s mission to bring positive change in order to secure our collective future.

Gucci, you moved me to give. Please know you’re in the lineup for some of my Christmas gift spending dollars, thank you.

We here at every day dress can’t move mountains or put out fires, we do want we can and always try to make small things better. Wardrobe, food, home, or set stylist, it’s kind of our thing.

Two college daughters and newlyweds arrive home tomorrow to celebrate Thanksgiving, and we just can’t wait to put our arms around them and be in their face.

In preparation I almost get manic, try to make things nice, and runaround securing supplies for both indoor and outdoor spaces. As a ‘set stylist’, current project is the 10 outdoor planters scattered about the city house. Thought long and hard and even pulled the trigger on pre-made and decorated grocery planters, and bought 10 yesterday morning while at market. Got them home, and while beautiful, they just weren’t giving me the look or feeling I was after. Back they went, all within an hour and 15 minutes.

Decided to YouTube outdoor planters, and with some new inspiration pulled out the iPhone and called around to local nurseries for fresh-cut greens, and in particular red twig dogwood branches. Found a source, thank you Elber’s, and off we went. An SUV full later, two planters in, and we’re on our way to a natural, pretty, and evergreen holiday look for the outside of our still standing home.

California, wishing you peace, calm, and recovery.

Every day dress, xoxo.

all photos iPhone / MacBook Pro went black / in for video card repair

 

dressing the bird

Yeah, the blog has taken a backseat to life’s happenings, and I miss it. Writing here is honestly a bit of a creative exercise, and exercise is always better when it’s a regular thing, wink wink.  

With Thanksgiving Day a week from tomorrow, thought it might be a good time for reentry by sharing my first published piece, Dressing the Bird. Never mind it’s a neighborhood publication, it feels good to have something I wrote actually in hard copy print, thank you Megan. We’re all about trying new things, putting yourself out there a little, and taking small risks. So, here we go, sharing with you my submission for Delaware Park Living magazine:

Dressing the Bird

First Thanksgiving dinner thirty-one November’s ago we brought to the table a partially frozen bird. Who knew you couldn’t make the Wednesday night bar rounds, sleep a few hours, wake up early, run the oldest foot race in America and do Thanksgiving dinner soup to nuts all in a few hours?
That was our first married holiday meal, and we invited guests. Mom showed up early afternoon and wondered why the turkey wasn’t in the oven and I really didn’t know why either. Simply jumped in with no experience and went to town. Can’t remember how I ever got dinner on the table and fed my people, yet it did happen, and it was memorable.
Now, three decades later, six kids, a new son-in-law, and we’ve got it down. There’s got to be two turkeys, (and now we cook them just fine), good old-fashioned bread stuffing, cooked cranberry sauce with cinnamon and orange, green beans, double amounts of mashed potatoes, candied yams with of course marshmallows on top, roasted Brussels sprouts, soft, buttery dinner rolls, triple amounts of scratch gravy, pumpkin, blueberry, and apple pies. When the kids were little I used to make them pick the berries, and froze them for our November and December holiday pies. Now I call the farm, order a flat or two, and freeze them in 6 to 8 cup zip-lock bags for pie on the ready. Crust has got be scratch, and only with butter, no white shortening in this kitchen, and that can be done early, and frozen before rolling out as well.
One turkey to carve and one to look at until dinner is done. The second bird is so we can send hearty leftovers home with family and friends and for sandwiches the next day. In the early years when Gourmet magazine was still a thing we jumped around with the stuffing, adding chestnuts, or weird things, always with complaints if there wasn’t old fashioned bread stuffing as well. Now we just go with the tried and true, cutting the crusts off of two or three loaves of Pepperidge Farm white and letting the bread dry on the countertop for a few days. In a pinch we’ve been known to throw it in the oven for the speedier version.
The only Thanksgiving dinner I didn’t cook in the last three plus decades was the year I was pregnant with our fourth child, it was her real due date on the big turkey day, and husband and I with our eldest son and our twins were invited for dinner at mom’s house. Walked the Turkey Trot that day, (no drinks the night before), me pushing a double stroller and husband pushing a single, and went for dinner. Second son Maxwell who was two then pushed back from the table after it was all over and declared, ‘I’m loaded’: we still laugh about that today. Helped with dishes that night, told husband it was time to go, left the three wee ones with the grandmom, went and birthed Sarah. Sarah is now turning twenty-six this Thanksgiving season, and we are forever grateful, and still serving basically the same meal.
This family of ours now depends on tradition, and the food that goes with it. They can come home and know the bird will be dressed with old-fashioned bread stuffing, and that there will be gravy and pie, and all the fixings. It’s a secure feeling, and we are thankful for the bounty of this beautiful land, and for the soulful and good feeling of coming to table and breaking bread with those we love.
Wishing you all a holiday season of honest food, and a full heart.
Every day dress, and dressing the bird. xoxo

thirty one

Woke up this morning, had some coffee, hit the gym, and made the bed. Thirty one years ago today and almost all of those days in between I’ve followed pretty much the same routine, although that specific day I married the man of my dreams, the love of my life.

I knew at first sight that he was the one, he thought I was way too young. Kind of positioned myself so he would notice. Notice he did: a bride at twenty-two, a mom at twenty-three; we’re still here, still loving.

Good habits and aligned values have helped us endure. Family first, lots of exercise, shared meals.

taller than my man, and wore Azzedine Alaïa for church ceremony

We created our wedding day and have created every day since. Even then I loved clothes, and made the wedding dress, and the dresses for five bridesmaids, and two flower girls. Sewing my clothing was a self-taught skill, a hobby, and a necessity back then. Crazy girl, yet crazy kind of got me here today, thankful. Still love clothes, yet finding I need less, and want better. Even so I’m often most comfortable in husbands shirt, rolled sleeves, and worn in blue jeans.

Sure we still love to dress up, and celebrate. We celebrated large for oldest daughter’s wedding a month or so ago, and felt it fitting to share photos of that day, on this day, as both days celebrate love.

Thirty one and more, and every day dress. xoxo

all photos | Sarah Bridgeman

Yes, I wrote this post on our thirty-first wedding anniversary day, yesterday. Sarah Bridgeman, our daughter’s wedding photographer, compiled over 1,700 photos for us, each one seemingly better than the last. As you can imagine it takes hours to sort through, and wanted to post some of her images here, as to us they are just so magical. We hope you too can feel the love. Thank you, Sarah. 

fading summer

We’ve been moving 5th child into university the past few days, and we’re all lingering about, hanging on, fading summer. She opted out of her dorm room last night, and we we’re three in a bed, priceless.

It’s been a summer for the record books, husband and I basically checked out of professional life for two straight months, (him, not so much, me, 100%), and late this afternoon we fly home.

dress | Worth New York

Tomorrow first thing I’m back into styling, and I’m going in cold. Simply gonna jump, no time for slow immersion, stunning new fall clothes arriving overnight air to studio, and late afternoon client appointments.

Thank you, Michele, for reaching out and inviting us to visit and reminding me how lucky we are to dress amazing women in beautiful clothing.

Every day dress, fading summer all around.

xoxo

the very best blur

Two weeks ago Saturday oldest daughter was married and it was a very best day and the very best blur. Of course we have crystal clear memories, yet honestly it was all so magical and all so fast, kind of like all best days, leaving an indelible and permanent feeling of euphoria on the mind and in the soul.

Yes, it was a very best day: two families and the gods and the stars aligned. A singular new little family of two was formed, and our two respective families and friends grew exponentially.  Love all around.

To get to that day and place required each and everyone of us put forth our very best efforts. The team was immense, intimately intertwined, and planning started the very next breath after the giddy engagement, November 5th. If my math is right, it was exactly 40 weeks of planning and preparation, equal to what goes into a birth, which are my other best days, each one internally tattooed.

Proper ceremony was in the city, and beautiful reception in the country. Husband and I moved  ourselves into our summer house the last week of June and gardened our hearts out until the very morning of August 11th, it was heaven on earth.

Today is Monday and there are new beginnings happening all around us. Fifth child starting her collegiate sophomore year and sixth and youngest beginning her first. Oldest son soon to celebrate his third decade, and newlyweds moving from NYC to Boston next weekend.

Thankful for life, and all of its idiosyncrasies. Wishing everyone their very best blurs.

xoxo

professional photos | Sarah Bridgeman @ sarahbridgemanphoto.com

all others | iPhone

 

cooking at home

Four of us are on the road, one Providence College move in and drop off, circle home quick then out and a Furman University drop.

Road food has been great, been thinking about that lobster roll all summer long. Girls and I love and enjoy food, and any shared meal is often our favorite part of the day.

We’ve been cooking at home for as long as we can remember, and honestly feel it’s a kind of super glue. Cooking at home brings us together and creates unbreakable bonds, the kind that make college drop offs unbelievably bittersweet.

get back to it

No better way to break the ice than to simply get back to it and sink in. We’ve been out, and loving every minute. Not every day that a child gets married, and we put our all into it to make it happen. Happen it did, it was amazing, in so many out of the world ways. Wedding post coming, need to gather resources, stay tuned.

What we really do most days is aim to wear good clothes, cook and eat good food, and try our best to think good thoughts. With that, we did a kind of Sunday dinner on a Tuesday, and broke bread with those we love. Every day things.

Every day dress, after an epic wedding push, trying to get back to it. xoxo